I would find a good place to scream for the hell of it
I would tape everything I have ever written on lamp posts
I would wear and eat whatever I want and say FUCK YOU to anyone who tells me I’m skinny or unattractive
I would stop saying sorry
I would stop smiling all the time
I would quit my job and travel around the world
I would make the movies I dream about even though I don’t know how to
I would do all the things I’m not good at
I would start living my life
“When I was a younger woman, it used to be that I could see everybody’s point of view. Trying to know what I believed was like looking into a prism of light, with a thousand variations on what could be true, and I could be swayed by a smooth talker with a strong opinion. But as I typed, all nervous about being contrary, I started to realize that my vision is no longer like a prism. I know what I believe, and it does not matter to me as much anymore if someone else thinks I’m wrong.
And now I’m trying to word this right so it conveys what I mean it to: Lately, it feels like the universe is trying to show me that energy comes from inside me. As a young woman, energy came from me in the form of all the potential I had, and so I did not have to think about it at all. Now it seems I have reached the age where I have to make use of the potential if I want to keep my energy up.
But it is hard to pull energy from yourself, and it is easy to see the energy of other people and try to surround yourself with that instead. I think the universe has been showing me that is the way to get lost – reflected energy is addictive and seductive, but it does not nourish a person. What is becoming clear to me is that the only way to have energy it to bring it forth from myself. Now is the age in which it is my turn to add something to the universe, if I am smart and see it is my time instead of chasing after someone else’s light. “
